I was reminded today that it's been a really long time since I've posted on this blog. Life has really thrown a whole lot of curveballs at me, and that's my excuse. It's not so much that I don't have anything to write about - it's just not something that's crossed my mind of late. Pity really, as we all know I love to write and rant. So this gentle reminder I received today prompted me to read old entries. I enjoyed reading the entries I posted of my 2nd last visit to the UK, just over a year ago. What good times those were.
So I decided to take a look at what my most recent posts were here. My last one was a poem I wrote about losing Dad. The post before that was written the day before we lost Dad. It was about a project that I was going to undertake, that I never undertook, and now likely won't, because of his sudden passing, and life getting too complicated...yet again. It's not that I can't do it, nor that I don't want to. Circumstances have just shifted again.
This weekend was a challenging one for me, but valuable. Yesterday marked 3 months since Dad's passing. That in itself was difficult, and provoked much thought. In these moments of thought, I have noted that some days, I don't think of him or our loss at all. When I realize this, I wonder why, and then blame it on the fact that life is moving forward. It's not that the pain has been forgotten. It's still there - we just learn to live with it. And some days, it's all I can think of, and nothing else matters. Those days will happen for the rest of my life, I'm sure. But for the most part, peace is something I am finding, day by day. I still don't get it, but I'm finding peace - whatever that really means.
And over the course of this past 3 months, I've had dreams of him where he manages to say exactly what I need to hear. I, at first, had them every night Then it was about once a week. But I hadn't had one in a while, and wondered why not, and what was wrong. But this weekend I did, and for that, I am thankful. The message this time was one that was really important and encourages me greatly. I know that he's happy for me, and approves of where I am right now.
So because of the loss, and other things I don't want to publish online that have occurred recently, I've been remiss to truly celebrate some of the things that are positive in my life, such as the obvious...my family, friends, and my man.... then there's the new apartment, which I moved into essentially because of losing Dad. But it's been really positive being here and so super close to everything and everyone, just about. It's really home here. Then there is the fact that I was accepted to all the UK grad schools I applied to, and I accepted my offer to study at UEA - who just happened to offer me a scholarship too (fingers crossed for more money....maybe...I've been shortlisted!). So I have much to smile about and look forward to.
On that note, I have wondered, in my moments of pondering, if I hadn't applied early to all these schools, if I would have applied now, after all that has happened lately, or if I would have said "forget it" and settled for something local. I'm glad that I have a spot at the Uni, and I know I'm going, as scary as it is now, given how I've really needed to lean on everyone here in B.C. In ways I can't imagine having a long distance relationship with everyone in my life. How will I get by without my brother and sister being close, or without my favourite weekend visitor being able to check in at Chez Z with such ease? But I know it will be a huge step of growth for me personally and for my career, and 1 year is actually not long at all. It all seemed so far away when I applied, but now it's THIS year, and so just a few months away really. Just goes to show how quickly time flies. I'm really excited! Scared, yes, but excited more.
Anyway, this rant shall end. Sleep awaits....and hopefully I don't take too long before I write once more....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Autumn Moment
In a moment this autumn, my eyes blinked
A green leaf fell from a tree
Young and healthy
Sudden and shocking
In that same moment, the clock stopped its motion
The world ceased to matter
We are having tea, you’re wearing that sweater
You tell me I’ll be okay without you
Because you’re with me
Every moment
Of every day
We were having tea
Savouring the moment
Each word
Each thought
Looking ahead to more moments like these
In one moment, I made a decision
What to say, how to act
What to wait for another moment to express to you
The next moment, I wish I didn’t hold back
And that I did more with the moments we had
In that moment, it was too late
Your tall, proud, and experienced shoulders
So I could see the world from where you stood
When I needed strength through hard times
So I could see through a lens of clarity and hope
A moment later, you are carried in my heart, in my memories
And in every page of my story
So you can see who I have become
I love you Dad
Thursday, October 25, 2007
New Project
I was starting to worry that I wasn't practicing my Spanish enough, but now I have a very good excuse to be doing just that - a new project. And yes, it involves Colombian youth - perfect! And since I already don't have enough to do in my "spare time", I thought I'd add to my plate (sense the sarcasm?). In reality though, I see this as a very interesting learning opportunity, which could potentially feed into my upcoming postgraduate studies.
I was talking to Teresa maybe a week ago, and we've come up with a new project idea. She's been working with a group of young ex-combatants in illegal armed groups in Colombia, all under the age of 18 in a program of therapy (she's a psychologist) and reintegration. We thought it would be neat for them to have youth from a completely different background, and likely little to no knowledge of the conflict (ie, Canadian youth), to connect with, and learn about their lives, and see one example of life without war. On the flipside, the Canadian youth can learn about the lives of these ex-combatants. It's important they see another side to life, not so much to see how good they have it here, so to speak, but to gain more perspective and understanding.
So the process has begun. Teresa has written a proposal for her superiors, which they have accepted with enthusiasm, and in the meantime, I'm compiling and translating some of their research into something the Canadian youth can read and get some background information on the Colombian situation, but specifically about the youth they will be communicating with. I spoke with a high school teacher yesterday, and he is very excited to begin this venture with his students. Now we just have to work out the logistics of their communication....one step at a time I suppose. But I know this will mean lots of translating between Tere and I, but this will be a good exercise in using Spanish regularly, and means I can track how things are going and analyze to some extent what is being learned on each side of the exchange. I'd ideally, if I can get the time away from the office (I have vacation time banked), be able to spend time with the students here and work closely with them, and discuss their experience.
Fingers crossed this will be a success. We're both committed to this project 100%, especially since it gives two close friends who live far away an excuse to communicate on a daily basis. My intention is to update the progress of this project on this blog. Stay tuned!
I was talking to Teresa maybe a week ago, and we've come up with a new project idea. She's been working with a group of young ex-combatants in illegal armed groups in Colombia, all under the age of 18 in a program of therapy (she's a psychologist) and reintegration. We thought it would be neat for them to have youth from a completely different background, and likely little to no knowledge of the conflict (ie, Canadian youth), to connect with, and learn about their lives, and see one example of life without war. On the flipside, the Canadian youth can learn about the lives of these ex-combatants. It's important they see another side to life, not so much to see how good they have it here, so to speak, but to gain more perspective and understanding.
So the process has begun. Teresa has written a proposal for her superiors, which they have accepted with enthusiasm, and in the meantime, I'm compiling and translating some of their research into something the Canadian youth can read and get some background information on the Colombian situation, but specifically about the youth they will be communicating with. I spoke with a high school teacher yesterday, and he is very excited to begin this venture with his students. Now we just have to work out the logistics of their communication....one step at a time I suppose. But I know this will mean lots of translating between Tere and I, but this will be a good exercise in using Spanish regularly, and means I can track how things are going and analyze to some extent what is being learned on each side of the exchange. I'd ideally, if I can get the time away from the office (I have vacation time banked), be able to spend time with the students here and work closely with them, and discuss their experience.
Fingers crossed this will be a success. We're both committed to this project 100%, especially since it gives two close friends who live far away an excuse to communicate on a daily basis. My intention is to update the progress of this project on this blog. Stay tuned!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Self portrait
This week's assignment was to complete a self-portrait using whatever drawing media we wanted. Somehow drawing from the comforts of my own home, and with my own music (we aren't allowed to listen to music in class!!), means better results. I'm quite pleased with this, and think it actually looks a lot like me. Yay! I just used one of my coloured drawing pencils (in Venetian red), nothing fancy, because I wanted to use something with which I could make precise lines.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Skeleton Drawings
A bit anatomically disproportionate (e.g. see the big hands....I hate drawing skeletal hands!), but it was fun. This was today's activity, draw a skeleton based on the one that was standing staring at me from the centre of the room, then do a second drawing zooming in on one body part. I chose the rib cage, since I like the way I drew it here and thought it would be a cool close-up. It was, and I ended up handing it in...the only thing was that it was even more anatomically incorrect, as I forgot a rib on each side! I don't know where they went....But it looked ok, in fact, it looked really cool. My teacher advised to hand that in instead of what you see here and she said, "I'm just going to continue to not notice the missing ribs."
Next class we'll start figure drawings. I look forward to that, because today was a bit of a chore. Skeletons are hard to draw: so much detail, and the proportions are different because there is no flesh or muscle etc. I still think it was a good lesson in really looking at what we see, in trying to do realism drawing, paying attention to every detail, almost scientifically, but also seeing things with an artist's eye. For example, my rib close-up was missing some important bones, but it still looked cool, and the composition was way better than in this drawing, where I was focussed on drawing everything I saw.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Family
Need I say more, really? I know what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving -- the little miracle that brought my family back together. :-) And Happy 65th Birthday Dad!!!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Portrait study
So today in my drawing class we did portraits. They've always been one of my favourite things to draw. In past classes we were drawing things and places (will scan the assignment and post when I get it back), but now we're focussing on people, portraits today, with figures to come. Half the class was spent drawing a self-portait, and the other half was meant for doing a portrait of one classmate. I finished early so did a second one. It's amazing that I put so much time into the first drawing, but it's my least favourite. I don't think it really looks like me, well, not completely, where I think I was pretty accurate with the others. In fact one of the girls, Jess, asked if I'd scan the picture I did of hers so she could make it her new Facebook profile pic. She likes it that much.
I've often drawn portraits for other people, and have always done so successfully and really enjoyed it. I do hate drawing myself though. I can't quite place why. I wonder if it's because our concept of ourself is a mix of what we see in the mirror and what we've seen in photos. We don't really know what we look like because we've never actually truly seen ourselves. And then it's impossible to be objective and see ourselves as just who we are on the outside. We tend to be more critical, or perhaps less honest even, when trying to draw ourselves. It's 100 times easier to be objective and accurate when drawing someone you don't know very well. I've only conversed with Jess a couple times, and Mo, it was our first time meeting - well, I met her after I drew her.
So since Jess asked that I scan her picture, I thought I'd scan all I did today and post them here:
This is Jess. She really liked it because I captured who she feels she is accurately, and made her "look like a bad ass". The reality is that she was drawing another girl, and concentrating a bit. It's much easier to draw someone when they aren't looking directly at you.
This is Mo. I only had about 20 mins for this drawing, but I still think I captured her. The main challenge was that she was drawing me at the same time, so her face was often buried behind her drawing board, her eyes would point downwards, or there would be this awkward sense of, "I don't know your name, but I'm staring at you and analyzing the lines of your face" because we were looking directly at one another.
And the self-portrait that started out the class today. I couldn't get my nose right, but it's still alright, I think. Looks kind of like me. I just look sad as I was concentrating too hard. I look forward to our next take-home assignment because we can draw ourselves from whatever angle we want, as long as we can see at least 1 eye, we can include a background that says something about who we are, and we can use whatever drawing media we want, as long as it's monochrome. I've already got ideas of how it's possibly going to look, and I'm excited to get started. The studio time has proved to be a good way to make sure I'm at least once a week drawing something. But I appreciate the take-home assignments because then I'm not constrained by time, the discomfort of the seats we sit it in class, the temperature of the classroom, or a lack of inspiring music. Much easier to be inspired within the comforts of your own home.
I've often drawn portraits for other people, and have always done so successfully and really enjoyed it. I do hate drawing myself though. I can't quite place why. I wonder if it's because our concept of ourself is a mix of what we see in the mirror and what we've seen in photos. We don't really know what we look like because we've never actually truly seen ourselves. And then it's impossible to be objective and see ourselves as just who we are on the outside. We tend to be more critical, or perhaps less honest even, when trying to draw ourselves. It's 100 times easier to be objective and accurate when drawing someone you don't know very well. I've only conversed with Jess a couple times, and Mo, it was our first time meeting - well, I met her after I drew her.
So since Jess asked that I scan her picture, I thought I'd scan all I did today and post them here:
This is Jess. She really liked it because I captured who she feels she is accurately, and made her "look like a bad ass". The reality is that she was drawing another girl, and concentrating a bit. It's much easier to draw someone when they aren't looking directly at you.
This is Mo. I only had about 20 mins for this drawing, but I still think I captured her. The main challenge was that she was drawing me at the same time, so her face was often buried behind her drawing board, her eyes would point downwards, or there would be this awkward sense of, "I don't know your name, but I'm staring at you and analyzing the lines of your face" because we were looking directly at one another.
And the self-portrait that started out the class today. I couldn't get my nose right, but it's still alright, I think. Looks kind of like me. I just look sad as I was concentrating too hard. I look forward to our next take-home assignment because we can draw ourselves from whatever angle we want, as long as we can see at least 1 eye, we can include a background that says something about who we are, and we can use whatever drawing media we want, as long as it's monochrome. I've already got ideas of how it's possibly going to look, and I'm excited to get started. The studio time has proved to be a good way to make sure I'm at least once a week drawing something. But I appreciate the take-home assignments because then I'm not constrained by time, the discomfort of the seats we sit it in class, the temperature of the classroom, or a lack of inspiring music. Much easier to be inspired within the comforts of your own home.
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